5 Months old Madsyn

Wow, where has the time gone!!! Madsyn is already five months old.
Last month Madsyn received his second set of vaccines, and since that fateful day he has stopped sleeping through the night...dang it!
'sigh'.......... and then his first teeth started coming in and that has once again made my bed and me strangers...

On a brighter note, here are some of Mad-diggity's pictures!  It has only been a month since my last post, but he has grown like crazy!!



Lots of firsts this month! Madsyn can now sit in the shopping cart without being in his car seat. YAY!
I hated hated hated taking car seats with me everywhere. I mean... he is just getting SO MASSIVE and my little arms get too tired. I'm pretty sure he and the car seat weigh at least 60lbs now......
I try to work out hard at the gym just to keep up with being able to carry him. Speaking of getting so big, Madsyn was born a month early as a tiny "premie" and over the last 4 months he grew so much that he went over the 100th percentile curve.  I'm not sure how over 100% is possible, but he did it.  YAY!! And now he wears 9 months clothes.





We also took Madsyn to the movies for the first time. It was an interesting experience.  He cried because he got too tired and it was too loud. My husband had to stand up and hold him half of the time while trying to watch the movie. (By the way, the name of the movie was Jack Reacher 2 and it was such a great movie. It is now on my must recommend to everyone list!)

Madsyn LOVES to chew on my bag, his blanket, our fingers (ouch)... pretty much anything he can grab. He now has 2 VERY sharp bottom teeth!

A couple of days ago I swear he said "mom!" He was crying for food and when I went to carry him he said "엄마" in his crying voice. People tell me that was just a cry and I misheard it but who knows. I was too excited but yet couldn't be proved because he hasn't said it again since then. But it was one of the happiest times of my parenting moment to hear the word mom from MY little boy! haha.

When I look back, it seems like the last month has been really long and hard with him waking up every hour screaming from teething pains but I have to say that it really is worth it. Being a mom has been a huge blessing in my life. While I try my best to teach him, at the same time he teaches me important life lessons everyday.  One example...

Last week I was at a store with Madsyn and there was an old "scrubby" looking guy (as my husband would say) standing in line behind us. I was holding Madsyn and with a motherly instinct I thought to myself... 'He looks a little weird and scary.. please....don't come too close to my son.' The next thing I saw was Madsyn smiling so innocently at the old man and babbling at him. I looked at the old man and his face lit up as he smiled back at Madsyn. I was so humbled and touched by their little smile exchanges and realized how prideful I was to judge him by the way he looked. Children are just so innocent and full of love, they don't care in the least about what people look like. I always like to remind myself to "become as little children" and this is one of the most Christlike qualities they have that we can learn from. I looked at the old man again and he didn't seem so scary anymore. I was happy to see them smiling at each other and I thought.. maybe he was lonely and I think Madsyn's smile might have made his day. How great is it that I get to hold this little man who came straight from Heaven. Just a few months ago, he was living with his Heavenly Father. How lucky am I to be his mom! It really is the best job in the world!

4 Months

Our little Madsyn turned 4months old last Friday. It's crazy how fast time is flying and how fast he is growing. My goal was to write every week but it turned into every month and now... I just try to write whenever I have the time and energy.

A lot has happened since my last post.

First and the best! Madsyn started sleeping through the night!!! A couple of weeks ago, he slept almost 12hours. Whoa, it was super nice to get a good uninterrupted sleep for once. And then..... about a week later, he got sick and started waking up during the night... and then he had his 4 months shots which made him super cranky and he woke up every hour screaming bloody murder. We will see what happens in the next few weeks.

Madsyn can also now roll over from back to front.

Which is good and bad at the same time.

It means he is progressing and learning new skills but I have to be really care with where to put him and always make sure he's not suffocating himself especially in his crib. So we bought a camera to watch him all night long. I'm sure he will be fine most of the time so I guess it's mostly for me to save myself getting out of my bed every hour to check on him to make sure he's ok and sleeping well.

  

Luckily, he hasn't rolled in his crib yet...

Lastly, Madsyn started his solids last Friday. I was so eager to start him on solids because he's been throwing up for the last three months and it has been brutal for all of us. Even with mixing rice cereal he still throws up. Also, in the book "Bringing Up Bebe", she talks about how French kids eat EVERYTHING including all the vegetables that most American kids don't even look at. So I wanted to follow their strategy and get him started on solids early enough to introduce and get his taste buds used to all of the different vegetables there is.

 

This is Madsyn's first day on solids. Mashed avocados!! 

He's not used to being spoon fed so I couldn't tell but I think he liked it..

All things aside, being a mom is such a fun and exciting and also at the same time it is very humbling experience. Every day I face different and new challenges. Today I found this quote on facebook, which I totally agree with.

I used to wonder why there are so many talks and quotes on uplifting discouraged mothers who try so hard. I was a perfect parent until I had a baby of my own. It definitely is the hardest thing I've ever done.

A couple of days ago, Madsyn was crying for over an hour at night and I lost patience with him and got mad. I had hurt his feelings and it has been haunting me every day ever since.  

More than anything, I have realized that parenting requires much more than just knowing. I have read almost all the best selling parenting and baby books there is but the most important skill I need is "mother's intuition" which I think comes by revelation from God and I think this is how you can become a "real" parent.

Julie B. Beck said "Revelation can come hour by hour and moment by moment as we do the right things. When women nurture as Christ nurtured, a power and peace can descend to guide when help is needed. For instance, mothers can feel help from the Spirit even when tired, noisy children are clamoring for attention, but they can be distanced from the Spirit if they lose their temper with children.. We are doing well when we seek to improve ourselves and do our best. When we have done our very best, we may still experience disappointments, but we will not be disappointed in ourselves. We can feel certain that the Lord is pleased when we feel the Spirit working through us. We know we are successful if we live so that we qualify for, receive, and know how to follow the Spirit. Peace, joy, and hope are available to those who measure success properly."

Every single day I realize I have so much to learn and to improve. Indeed it can be very discouraging at times but I try to always remember that it was no coincidence that Madsyn came into my life and that he knew, and heavenly father knew that I would be the best mom for him and he would the best for me and we could help each other grow to become who we need to become. And I'm so glad that being a mom is the hardest thing I've ever done because the best things in life comes with a price to pay.

Like Elder Holland said, "Excellence does not come easily or quickly. It is simply a truism that nothing very valuable can come without significant sacrifice, effort, and patience on our part."

Madsy's 100 day

Last Tuesday was Madsyn's 100th day since he was born.

In Korea, along with the first birthday, the 100th day is a special milestone for the baby because in the not so distant past many babies didn't survive to the 100 day mark. We celebrate and express our gratitude for the health of the baby and the mother on this special day. The first 100 days is also considered as one of the most difficult periods of the baby's life and I would have to add that it is also true for the mothers, because the passage of these days has been one of the hardest times of my life.

Here is the story:

The first few weeks back from the hospital Madsyn and I struggled with breastfeeding. Since he was born 3.5 weeks early he couldn't latch on very well. I had no idea feeding a baby would have been the hardest things I'd ever do.

After that, he was colicky and cried every night for 3 hours on average. One morning he literally cried for 8 hours until my husband came home from work... So we tried using the "magic" gripewater...and thus began the projectile vomiting. We took him to all of the doctors in Provo and Orem, two chiropractors, put him on all kinds of medications and nothing seemed to work. I was as probably as miserable as he was.

Going to the pediatrician was my weekly routine and doing the laundry transitioned from a twice weekly job to a twice daily event, due to his throwing up on nearly every object in the house....our bed, my clothes, towels, cushions, his clothes, car seat, receiving blanket and anything else you can imagine.

About a month ago we put him on soy formula and he is doing so much better. I mean...he still throws up every now and then and some days there are more copious amounts than others, BUT he's been sleeping for 6 hours at night...usually...super nice for me. So yes, the first 100 days are the hardest.

Some days I was just so exhausted I wished that I could just go back to being pregnant again, at least for one day, just to get enough sleep to keep fighting on. But no, it was impossible. I thought to myself, why did I want him to come so early? Because believe it or not, I did pray that he would come early! Little did I know what was waiting for me?!

The worst part is, when I was in school, I would stay up late at night to study for the finals and I would think... just 3 more days and I'll be able to sleep. Yes, in 2 days it will be weekend and I don't have to go to work anymore. But NO, there are no more weekends for me, no more end of this or end of that. I knew I wouldn't  be able to see the end of the tunnel for a long time. I tried to remember the talks I used to listen to while I was pregnant on the importance of motherhood. I tried to use it as my anchor to know that everything I'm doing will be all worth it at the end no matter how hard it is and insignificant it seems.

On the days when I just wanted to quit all this and just get some sleep and possibly my sanity back, I read this quote from Elder Holland which comforts me a lot:

"The work of a mother is hard, too often unheralded work. Please know that it is worth it then, now, and forever. "Through the thick and the thin of this, and through the occasional tears of it all, I know deep down inside I am doing God's work. I know that in my motherhood I am in an eternal partnership with Him" Mothers, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones. Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated made more than you are and better than you have ever been as you try to make honest effort. Rely on Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And "press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope." You are doing God's work.

It makes me realize that every hour I spend waking up at night to feed and comfort him matters. Every diaper I change for him matters, every song I sing to him, every book I read to him all matters. I really am doing God's work. I am fulfilling my purpose on this earth. I am raising God's child and knowing this makes me see the bigger picture in everything I do.

Now that I look back on those days, as hard as they were, I'm SO grateful to have him in my life.

Whenever I hold him in my arms and look into his eyes, my heart just melts and the feeling I get is indescribable. It's amazing how this little tiny soul can bring so much happiness and love into my life. And I think it was the hard times that made us be so much closer together.  It is the sacrifices I make for him (sometimes unwillingly... ) which make me love him THAT much more. I can't imagine my life without him. I don't know how I lived without him 3 months ago. I'm so lucky to have this cute guy in my life who makes me understand more of Christ's love everyday. No matter how hard my day was, as soon as I see him smile, everything gets better.

Happy 100 days to my little Madsyn and many more to come!

WOW

It's been a loooooooong time since my last post, which was in January 2015.

Well... a lot has changed since then....

In April 2015, I got engaged to my bestfriend Matt and we got married on 2015.05.15 in Payson.

Everything happened so fast with all the new changes with my visa and other complicated stuff....

Matt and I worked together for about a year before we got engaged. When I first met him he was just my boss that I didn't really want to be close to. I mean, nobody likes their boss. Right? 

And then after a little while I had to share my office with him and I remember trying to avoid him as much as possible unless it was absolutely necessary work related matters.

One day he started asking me about some things and then started telling me about his mission stories. I was like.... why is he talking to me!?!!!!! Oh wait, did I mention that I'm super introverted and I do NOT like to talk to people that I don't know very well. Especially my boss!

Anyways I had to pretend like I was totally comfortable with him talking to me about his "personal life" and I acted like I was super interested.

I don't really know how it happened but after that day we started talking more and more and eventually got really comfortable with each other. We talked about anything and everything. I loved that he knew so much about everything, especially science for he is a super nerd about anything science related, and over time I realized that we shared a lot of same values in life, families, religion and political views. He was one of the funniest people I've ever met and made me laugh all the time. Although I had always thought I wish I could marry someone like him one day, I never really thought that we would end up dating because he was 10 years older than me, haha.

Buttttt... one day we were coming back from the gym together and ended up talking for hours and he told me then that I had all the good qualities he's wanted and the next day he asked me out on a date. Which happened to be Valentines day too! Ha!

So. Long story short, we started dating in February and got engaged in April and then came the marriage in May.

We have had our ups and downs just like any other couples all do, but he has always been such a loving, kind husband with a big heart. After being married to him for a year and 3 months I am proud to say that I married the most amazing guy in the world and I really feel soooooo lucky to be his wife.

Pray as Enos Prayed....

If we are to search for real light and eternal certainties, we have to pray as the ancients prayed. We are women now, not children, and we are expected to pray with maturity. The words most often used to describe urgent, prayerful labor are wrestle, plead, cry, and hunger. In some sense, prayer may be the hardest work we ever will engage in, and perhaps it should be. It is pivotal protection against becoming so involved with worldly possessions and honors and status that we no longer desire to undertake the search for our soul. (Patricia Holland)

When I think of sincere prayer, the first scripture that comes to my mind is Enos where he wrestled, pleaded, cried before God all day and all night. I want that....... I want to have the closeness with God where I can pour out my soul unto Him and be completely honest and truly communicate with him about everything that's going on in my life. What do I need to do to pray like Enos did? How can I feel the same way as he did after he gained a remission of his sins that my soul will finally be rest in God. How can I have the change of heart that the prophets in the ancient went through? 

First, I need to understand why he prayed and wrestled.

He prayed because he wanted the true joy that comes from the Eternal life. 
So, what does the word Eternal life mean to me? Why is it so important for me to have the Eternal life? Did it sink "deep into my heart?" Am I humble enough to forsake my natural desires and depend my whole self to God? Am I willing to make the changes that he wants me to make when the prayer is finished? Do I have the faith that I can have the same experience that Enos had?
       
The reason why Eternal life means a lot to me is not only because I get to live with God but also, that was my whole purpose of coming down to this earth. For me, the very moment I forget my purpose in life is the moment where I just crash and get really really discouraged and sad. I don't want my time on this earth to be wasted. I want to achieve the goal of what I came to this earth for. I want to live with my family and see my heavenly father again and live in his presence forever. I want to make sure that the pain the Savior had to go through in Gethsemane and all the blood that he has shed for me along with all the sacrifices he made so that I can have the greatest gift of all - the Eternal life - is not going to be a waste. I miss him. I miss my Heavenly Father's love. I need him. I want the love that Elder Melvin J. Ballard described once from his dream. "He took me in his arms and kissed me, pressed me to his bosom, and blessed me, until the marrow of my bones seemed to melt... to have His love, His affection, and His blessing was such that if I can receive that of which I had but a foretaste, I would give all that I am, all that I ever hope to be, to feel what I then felt." 

How can we pray like Enos did?

                                 
President Kimball gave us a good suggestion which was actually on how we can be humble but we can also apply it to praying like Enos did. 
First, you evaluate yourself. What am I? I am the circle. I am the hole in the doughnut. I would be nothing without the Lord. My breath, my brains, my hearing, my sight, my locomotion, my everything depends upon the Lord. That is the first step and then we pray, and pray often, and we will not get up from our knees until we have communicated. The line may be down; we may have let it fall to pieces, but I will not get up from my knees until I have established communication—if it is twenty minutes, if it is all night like Enos. . . . If it takes all day long, you stay on your knees until your unhumbleness has dissipated, until you feel the humble spirit and realize, “I could die this minute if it were not for the Lord’s good grace. I am dependent upon him—totally dependent upon him.”

I'm so grateful for all the examples so many of the prophets and the leader has set for me. Especially the greatest example that Christ has set for me. I know that I'm nothing without him but with him I can achieve all the things he wants me to achieve. Like Enos said in verse 15, "Whatsoever thing ye shall ask in faith, believing that ye shall receive in the name of Christ, ye shall receive it." If I have faith, I know I will have the peace and true joy that comes from God.

Sophie's New Years Resolutions!!

So.......... here comes my new year's resolutions.

* At the end of 2015, what do I want to have happened?

On December 31, 2015 I want to see myself as being a devoted faithful latter-day Saint who loves the Savior more than anything in this world. I want to see myself serving others in as many areas as possible. I want to see myself preparing to be the best wife and mother for my future family. I want to be the person who is always happy and kind, constantly looking for opportunities to help others. I want to see myself becoming more like the Savior.

1. Always be positive and optimistic on all aspects of life.
- Because life is so hard and optimism will help us to get through any challenges that we face. Always try to look on the bright side of the life. Have hope in Christ's atonement that he can help me overcome and get through anything.

2. Keep my body clean and healthy
- I'm really really bad at this but I need to eat less chocolate/dessert/sweets...

3. Study the scriptures everyday
- Set aside a time to study scriptures everyday. Make it my priority over anything. Try to recognize what Heavenly Father is trying to have me learn. Apply it to my life and live according to the things I've learned.

4. To go the gym at least 3 times a week.

5. Participate in as many service projects as I can
- Hospice program, help the missionaries, adopt-a-grandparent, translation, Y-serve, Community action, cook for my family, babysit for my uncles, do things for my roommates.

6. Prepare myself for temple endowment
- Study about the blessings of the temple and the endowment.

7. Read 100 books by the end of 2015.
- One of the easiest goals to achieve! Hehe.

8. Be more considerate of others especially of my family
- Try to be less selfish and care about their feelings. Treat them special because they're special to me. Always pray for them and think about how I can help them and make them happy.

9. Don't waste time on things that have no eternal benefits
"Set aside those things in your life that don't really matter. Decide to do something that will have eternal consequences. With prayer, faith, determination, diligence and some sacrifice, you can make a powerful contribution."
- Less social media..shopping..  I need to think more about this one...

10. Be anxiously engaged in all good things
- Try new hobbies that I can enjoy during my free time.
- Knitting, handmade candles, baking, cooking, start translating books, write a short book for myself.

11. Always remember that I am a daughter of God and the covenants I made with him.
“We are His children, and if we ever got that through our heads thoroughly, understood that completely, we would never do a small thing, we would never say a cross word, we would not use bad language, we would not criticize anybody, we would love everyone the way the Savior loves us.”
- Make my prayers more meaningful.
- Don't fall asleep during my night prayers - I'm soooo so so so bad at this. T_T

New Year's Resolution

I've set my new year's resolutions on new years day already (which I broke half of the list before the frist week) but yesterday at church, I learned something that helped me to set goals more specifically and realistically with better ways to help me achieve them and I want to share this with everyone because it was SUPER helpful for me.


Here are the 7 steps.


1. Identify the goals you wish to achieve.


When we set goals, we need to keep in mind "What do you want to have happend?"
What do I want to have achieved at the end of the day, end of the week, and at the end of 2015?
What attributes do I want to develop? What kind of life do I want to have? What kind of person do I want to become?


2. Write definitions and descriptions of the goals.


3. Record questions to answers as you study.
For example, if you want to become more obedient, ask questions to yourself.
"What is it that I want to obey? Why?"


4. List and study thoroughly about the goals you want to achieve
Thorougly is the key!! Study it and learn everything about it inside and out.
Know exactly what it is that you want to change.


5. Record your feelings and impressions
Write down how you felt after keeping those goals, write down your mistakes and how you can make it better. I think it's really important that you don't leave out the mistakes part because you're ashamed of it because a lot of times, we learn the most from our own mistakes. It's ok to mess up. There are ways to "fail succesfully". Isn't that what the Atonement was for?


6. Pray for help.


7. Evaluate your progress periodically.
This is SUPER important because "When performance is measured, performance improves. When performance is measured and reported, the rate of improvement accelerates."(President Thomas S. Monson)

The greatest blessing of all

I love listening to the General Conference talks. The words of the prophets help me in many aspects of life to live it in the way I'm supposed to live. With all the things going on around in this world, I sometimes forget my true identity - that I am a daughter of God and I was sent here to do his work, to accomplish the things that I've been pre-ordained to do. It's rather easier to just blend in with the world than to stand out and hold strong to my beliefs. Everyday, every hour, every minute we face obstacles that hold us back from achieving our goals. Sometimes when my days get so busy with work, family, friends and million other things, I get carried away and heaven seems so far away and I lose my focus on the Savior. There is even a little thought at the back of my mind that it's too hard of a goal to achieve so I think to myself.. 'Will I REALLY be able to get there?'. It just seems too unrealistic and doubt starts to replace my faith.


 But today, I came across this quote, by Bruce. C. Hafen


"We can have eternal life if we want it, but only if there is nothing else we want more. In the long run, our most deeply held desires will govern our choices, one by one and day by day, until our lives finally add up to what we have really wanted most--for good or otherwise. We can indeed have eternal life, if we really want it, so long as we don't want something else more."


Reading this quote me realize that Eternal life really is possible for me and as imperfect as I am, it is still available for me because of the Atonement of the Savior and if I have the desire and strive to do my very best he will take care of the rest and meet me there.  
I know that no matter how far Heaven may seem to us, if we have the spirit of God we will feel close to Heaven. We can all receive the greatest gift - the Eternal life if we put it our first priority and remember our goal and endure to the very end of our lives.

Edenbrooke

Today was a super super special day for me ♥

I spent half of the day watching the General Conference - and I fell asleep a couple of times.This pneumonia is suffocating me and making me all dizzy so I just kept falling asleep...

After the conference, I went to the Deseret Bookstore for women's night.
They had everything 20% on sale and plus Julianne Donalson came to sign her books!
She is my favorite writer right now!! And this book Edenbrooke has become my favorite Regency Romance book of ALL TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm in love with this book.

And here's the inside with her signature!!!!!

HEHE 

If you want to read a good romance novel - Edenbrooke is the one! 

Well my pneumonia seems like it's almost gone so
I might be able to finally escape my little prison by next week!!! GOOD NEWS!

Perks of being sick

So... something that I learned a couple days ago.. is that when you have symptoms of flu for more than a week.. it's probably a good idea that you go to the doctors.
I don't really like going to the doctors for little things but this time I really really REALLY regret not going sooner as it turns out it wasn't flu the whole time.
Streptococcus pneumoniae????? WOW.............
When the doctor told me this it was kinda funny because last week I was sick at home, watching one of the girls die from pneumoniae in the movie "Jane Eyre" and I thought man.. I feel sorry for her and all that time I had the same sickness! LOL
Anyways it got really bad on Tuesday so I finally ended up in a hospital...
Thank goodness I am blessed with not only one but TWO uncles who are kind enough to take care of me. He brought me food three times a day and these cool things called "kiwiberries". Hehe.

So.. lesson learned.. always always always go to the doctors when you're sick.
They are there for a reason!!
Also.. when I was sick of sleeping, I listened to one of the conference talks by Sister Margaret Nadauld called "The Joy of Womanhood" and she said;

You can recognize women who are grateful to be a daughter of God by their outward appearance. These women understand their stewardship over their bodies and treat them with dignity. They care for their bodies as they would a holy temple, for they understand the Lord’s teaching: “Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?”

When I heard this, I felt so so so bad... for not taking care of my body and taking the word of wisdom too lightly. Going to sleep early and eating good food may seem like small things but indeed, small and simple things will bring to pass great things...like pnuemonia...

Things I love

SO.. here are some things that I really love!


I LOVE............................

Listening to music.
In The Strength of the Youth pamphlet it says "Music has a profound effect on your mind, spirit, and behavior." I strongly agree with this statement. I believe that music can change everything. It can change how you feel. I love listening to disney soundtracks especially. The lyrics, melody, voices.. I just love everything about it. Listening to uplifting music really helps me feel and stay happy throughout the day.

Reading
I love reading. I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT READING.
Well, I love reading good books.
There are many reasons why I love reading so much.
Reading floods your brain with new knowledge. Anything you read, will be helpful. You'll always learn something new no matter what you read. Even if it's a crappy book, you'll at least learn new vocabulary words lol. I love how different writers have different styles. To me, language is like art. You can express it however you want to in our own unique ways. You can be as creative as you want and I love reading people describe certain things or feelings in their books. Also, when you read, you get to experience different lives of the characters in the books. You can live as many lives as you want by reading books! Isn't this exciting?? :D :D

Activities
I love doing outdoor things. I'm not very good at it but I actually really enjoy learning and playing sports. I love camping, hiking, bike riding, swimming.. I'm not really a stay-at-home person. I need to get out of the house at least once a day unless I'm extremely sick.

TO BE CONTINUED............
ALL OF A SUDDEN I GOT REALLY TIRED (3 A.M...........)

One of my favorite quotes..

“For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
 For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
 For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
 For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day.
 For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
 People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.
 As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands,

one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.”  

Sometimes, I think to myself 'what am I living for? What's the real purpose in life?' Going back to my Heavenly father of course is the main purpose here but in the process of achieving that goal - what do I need to do? It's too easy to focus our thoughts on the things of the world and we sometimes miss out on what's going on around us. Until recently, service meant very oblique to me. It was something that I wanted to do in the future, after I quit my job and when I didn't have so many things on hand or when I had the money or the time to do it.
I was never really poor and I never had to starve because I didn't have money or worry about how I'm going to live tomorrow because I just spent my last dollar on feeding my kids so I don't know what being poor feels like. Here, where I work we have a lot of people who have to go through these struggles everyday and I think to myself, what am I doing here? Have I done any good today? Have I tried to help them in ANY way? Am I too focused on the big opportunities that will make me feel like I have achieved something good in the future and neglecting the little things I can do to serve others today? I believe that the happiest people are the ones who give up themselves to serve others. I hope that's the kind of person I will become and what I will focus on devoting my life to for the rest of my time on this earth, starting with the very little things I can do NOW and TODAY.

 

Decisions

When faced with choices, you select the path consistent with the teachings of the Savior. I know you are sometimes criticized by those who call you fanatical, who cannot understand why you don’t do what the crowd does. Hold fast to your principles.

You cannot today remotely imagine what that decision to be unwaveringly obedient to the Lord will allow you to accomplish in life. Your quiet, uncompromising determination to live a righteous life will couple you to inspiration and power beyond your capacity now to understand. 

1. Place the Savior, His teachings, and His church at the center of your life. Make sure that all decisions comply with this standard.

2. Recognize that enduring happiness comes from what you are, not from what you have.

3. Stay morally clean.

Pray in faith for help. Go to your Father in Heaven. He wants to help you, but because of your agency you need to take the first step. Important lessons will be learned as you are on your knees. Some will distill in your mind and heart as you seek to establish the right balance in your life. Powerful personal development will come through urgent prayer offered in faith from a foundation of righteousness.

Test your daily thoughts and acts against the principles we have reviewed. Are you making progress toward them, or have you begun to wander down destructive paths? Life is a workshop where you can test the correctness of the principles you have chosen to guide your life.

Things I value the most..

"If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently...

It becomes special because you have made it so."

-F Burton. Howard-

This quote made me think about how I should treat other people.

Especially those who I'm the closest with. 
It's easy to treat people that are the most important to us with less care because we assume that they will understand us better or that they will never leave us no matter what we do. We think that they will know we love them even if we don't express it every day. That's how I thought until today. But I realized that it is those that are the most important to us that we need to be the most careful about and I cannot use our close relationship as an excuse to mistreat them. The deeper the relationship is, the easier it is to get hurt because we open up so much of ourselves to each other, even our deepest fears, weaknesses and secrets and we become so fragile and vulnerable around them.

Doesn't it indeed, hurt more when someone you love criticizes you than those that you are not really close to or don't really care about talks bad about you? 
Because for me, it really does. 

I learned that if I want to spend the more time with a person and truly be in a healthy loving relationship, I need to treat them with care. 
They become special only when we put in the time and effort to make them special. 

Forget Me Not

I have sooooo many things in my life that I need to change. I don't know if it's just me but changing myself is such a difficult process. There are things in my life that I struggle with. Some things are easier to overcome and some things, it just seems impossible for me to overcome. I've prayed for days, weeks and years but nothing seemed to help me overcome my weakness. I have asked many people for help and the answer that I got from them was simply that I don't try hard enough. I was very discouraged and I just wanted to give up everything. I thought about the atonement of Christ and how it could help me overcome my trial.

Every morning I wake up, I try to think about how I can improve today, what I need to change to become a better person then at night I lay on my bed thinking that another day has been slipped out of my eternal scheme of progression.

Today was just like any other Sundays. I woke up in the morning and started reading my book. I don't know why, but for some reason I picked out this book that I haven't read for a long time. In that book, there was a book mark with this quote from President Uchtdorf's talk "Forget Me Not" and when I read the quote, I suddenly thought 'hmm maybe I should listen to that talk again' and played a short version on youtube. The talk as I remember was about the things I need to remember and do. But in that short 5 minute clip version, he talked about how we all have different and unique weaknesses and trials and that it's okay to have weaknesses because right now is not the time to be perfect but time to practice towards perfection. We shouldn't look at other people to compare ourselves to them. Our little efforts may seem insignificant to us and even to others, but our father in Heaven notices them. Is that not enough? This talk also reminded me of the conversation between Hazel and Augustus in the book "The Fault In Our Stars" by John Green. Augustus's fear was oblivion, scared that he is going to die without being able to fulfill his wishes, which was to become a special hero in the world and to be in all over the newspapers. Hazel, his love of life, tells him "You say you're not special because the world doesn't know about you, but that's an insult to me. I know about you. I think you're special is that not enough?" I think that's how a lot of us feel too. We often get discouraged in one way or another, when we feel insignificant in this world. But we need to remember that the person who is, or should be the most important to us loves us so much and we are very very special to him and like Hazel said, "is that not enough?". I think that might be what Heavenly Father is trying to tell us everytime we get discouraged. "You think you're not special but you are special to me. I am the most powerful being in the universe and I love you with an infinite love, is that not enough?"

 

"Sisters, wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love.

The love of God and the power of the restored gospel are redemptive and saving. If you will only allow His divine love into your life, it can dress any wound, heal any hurt, and soften any sorrow...never forget that you are truly precious daughters in God’s kingdom."


Christ can help us overcome ANY weaknesses, fears and pains we face. Not so much that he will always change your situations but as our faith in his Atonement grow stronger, we learn to lean on him when we need to. We learn to forgive others and ourselves. We let go of the things that don't really matter in this world and focus on the things that really matter - the salvation.

Gospel changes lives of the people

One of the things I love about the gospel is that it gives such a positive effect on my life.
I love seeing myself change. I'm not perfect and still make a lot of mistakes everyday. but I try harder to become a better person. I try everyday so that one day, I'll become the person God wants me to become. I love seeing the change of my actions, thoughts, words, perspectives on life and my goals.
Change is not easy. It requires having patience and making sacrifices but I know the real happiness comes from living the gospel. Eversince I heard the talk from Elder Uchtdorf "Of Regrets and Resolutions", I try to live a happy life and make every moment meaningful so that I don't waste the precious time God has blessed me with. I try to find gratitude in every situations. I want everyday to be my best day so that if I were to die tomorrow, I wouldn't have any regrets. Sometime it is so hard to remember to be happy especially when we go through the trials, but we just need to remember our blessings and be grateful for everything especially the things that seem so small and insignificant. We need to trust God that every trial has it's purpose and he wants the best for us.

The Power of Prayer

When I was young, I began my day with a morning prayer with an abundant hope that my day will be a great day. In my prayer, I always included "Heavenly Father, please help me to have a good day today so that I'll be happy." However, for some reason, every time I said my morning prayers, the exact opposite happened. I thought to myself. What's going on? Why is Heavenly Father punishing me for being good? After awhile, I stopped saying my prayers. How little did I know then. As the years have passed, I began to realize that prayer doesn't change my situations but a true sincere prayer changes my attitude toward the given situations. Now I know that with the light of Christ, no matter how difficult my day is, I can face it with gratitude and joy. Some days, it takes more effort than other days but I have felt the change of heart and got to see how it changed my life. This gospel really brought happiness to my life. I know it's true, and I live it and I absolutely love it. I know that as I strive to keep the commandments, I stand one step closer to God and in that place, I can feel his love much more intimately.

tbt

Yesterday I drove up to Salt Lake see my old high school friend Yasmin. She came to Utah with her husband and I got to see her for the first time in four years!!!!! Ohmygosh she still looks so beautiful and young. Catching up with her was so much fun. I didn't realize that my accent has changed so much over the four years. Listening to her New Zealand English sounded a little weird to me at first but then I was like... awwwww I miss NZ!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know why but I kind of look like a frog in this picture. hahahahaha 

She is one of the SWEEEETEST people I know. 

We've known each other for almost 9 years now. WOW time does fly. 

Since this post is about throwing back time.. here are some things I miss about NZ.

1. The Beaches. beaches beaches and beaches.

The have so many beautiful beaches over there and it was super close to my house.

Easy 40min drive, and you will find this paradise.

Here comes the pictures!! 

Aren't these pictures so beautiful? I went there for at least three times a week!

After school, during school, on weekends... LOL 

2. The weather. . . 

In NZ, the winter is usually shorter than the summer and even in winter

it never snows!!! I didn't really appreciate it that much but being in Utah, I realized

how much easier your life can be without snow. 

Last but least..... all the memories. . .  !!

I can't say they were all good but I spent all of my teenage years in NZ 

and I cannot take those memories away from my life..... 

Power of the Atonement

After watching Elder Bednar's DVD last night, I learnt something very important.
There are some things in life that human beings can't do alone. For example, when someone you really love and trust betrays you, it's impossible to forgive them with your own understanding.
But with the power of the Atonement, all things are possible. There is nothing we cannot do with his help. This doctrine should give us a greater hope of life. No matter what happens in our life, whether it's because of our own fault or other people around us, we can overcome any trials waiting ahead of us. Because Christ has already walked the path, he knows how to helps us through our trials and fill our weaknesses. Sometimes I wonder where I would be if I didn't have the gospel in my life. I can feel his love as I strive to keep his commandments every day.

Faith and Eternal Life

Faith is something you have to constantly nourish, so it doesn't stop growing and start rotting.
Just because I felt the spirit yesterday and got the answer to my prayer doesn't solve my today's problems. "Whatsoever thing ye shall ask in faith, believing that ye shall receive in the name of Christ, ye shall receive it... wherefore my sould did rest... I know that in him, I shall rest. And I rejoice in the day when my mortal shall put on immortality, and shall stand before him; then shall I see his face with pleasure, and he will say unto me. Come unto me, ye blessed, there is a place prepared for you in the mansions of my Father. Amen."
Is that not the purpose of my life? If so, then what else matters?