Madsy's 100 day

Last Tuesday was Madsyn's 100th day since he was born.

In Korea, along with the first birthday, the 100th day is a special milestone for the baby because in the not so distant past many babies didn't survive to the 100 day mark. We celebrate and express our gratitude for the health of the baby and the mother on this special day. The first 100 days is also considered as one of the most difficult periods of the baby's life and I would have to add that it is also true for the mothers, because the passage of these days has been one of the hardest times of my life.

Here is the story:

The first few weeks back from the hospital Madsyn and I struggled with breastfeeding. Since he was born 3.5 weeks early he couldn't latch on very well. I had no idea feeding a baby would have been the hardest things I'd ever do.

After that, he was colicky and cried every night for 3 hours on average. One morning he literally cried for 8 hours until my husband came home from work... So we tried using the "magic" gripewater...and thus began the projectile vomiting. We took him to all of the doctors in Provo and Orem, two chiropractors, put him on all kinds of medications and nothing seemed to work. I was as probably as miserable as he was.

Going to the pediatrician was my weekly routine and doing the laundry transitioned from a twice weekly job to a twice daily event, due to his throwing up on nearly every object in the house....our bed, my clothes, towels, cushions, his clothes, car seat, receiving blanket and anything else you can imagine.

About a month ago we put him on soy formula and he is doing so much better. I mean...he still throws up every now and then and some days there are more copious amounts than others, BUT he's been sleeping for 6 hours at night...usually...super nice for me. So yes, the first 100 days are the hardest.

Some days I was just so exhausted I wished that I could just go back to being pregnant again, at least for one day, just to get enough sleep to keep fighting on. But no, it was impossible. I thought to myself, why did I want him to come so early? Because believe it or not, I did pray that he would come early! Little did I know what was waiting for me?!

The worst part is, when I was in school, I would stay up late at night to study for the finals and I would think... just 3 more days and I'll be able to sleep. Yes, in 2 days it will be weekend and I don't have to go to work anymore. But NO, there are no more weekends for me, no more end of this or end of that. I knew I wouldn't  be able to see the end of the tunnel for a long time. I tried to remember the talks I used to listen to while I was pregnant on the importance of motherhood. I tried to use it as my anchor to know that everything I'm doing will be all worth it at the end no matter how hard it is and insignificant it seems.

On the days when I just wanted to quit all this and just get some sleep and possibly my sanity back, I read this quote from Elder Holland which comforts me a lot:

"The work of a mother is hard, too often unheralded work. Please know that it is worth it then, now, and forever. "Through the thick and the thin of this, and through the occasional tears of it all, I know deep down inside I am doing God's work. I know that in my motherhood I am in an eternal partnership with Him" Mothers, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones. Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated made more than you are and better than you have ever been as you try to make honest effort. Rely on Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And "press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope." You are doing God's work.

It makes me realize that every hour I spend waking up at night to feed and comfort him matters. Every diaper I change for him matters, every song I sing to him, every book I read to him all matters. I really am doing God's work. I am fulfilling my purpose on this earth. I am raising God's child and knowing this makes me see the bigger picture in everything I do.

Now that I look back on those days, as hard as they were, I'm SO grateful to have him in my life.

Whenever I hold him in my arms and look into his eyes, my heart just melts and the feeling I get is indescribable. It's amazing how this little tiny soul can bring so much happiness and love into my life. And I think it was the hard times that made us be so much closer together.  It is the sacrifices I make for him (sometimes unwillingly... ) which make me love him THAT much more. I can't imagine my life without him. I don't know how I lived without him 3 months ago. I'm so lucky to have this cute guy in my life who makes me understand more of Christ's love everyday. No matter how hard my day was, as soon as I see him smile, everything gets better.

Happy 100 days to my little Madsyn and many more to come!