Madsy's 100 day

Last Tuesday was Madsyn's 100th day since he was born.

In Korea, along with the first birthday, the 100th day is a special milestone for the baby because in the not so distant past many babies didn't survive to the 100 day mark. We celebrate and express our gratitude for the health of the baby and the mother on this special day. The first 100 days is also considered as one of the most difficult periods of the baby's life and I would have to add that it is also true for the mothers, because the passage of these days has been one of the hardest times of my life.

Here is the story:

The first few weeks back from the hospital Madsyn and I struggled with breastfeeding. Since he was born 3.5 weeks early he couldn't latch on very well. I had no idea feeding a baby would have been the hardest things I'd ever do.

After that, he was colicky and cried every night for 3 hours on average. One morning he literally cried for 8 hours until my husband came home from work... So we tried using the "magic" gripewater...and thus began the projectile vomiting. We took him to all of the doctors in Provo and Orem, two chiropractors, put him on all kinds of medications and nothing seemed to work. I was as probably as miserable as he was.

Going to the pediatrician was my weekly routine and doing the laundry transitioned from a twice weekly job to a twice daily event, due to his throwing up on nearly every object in the house....our bed, my clothes, towels, cushions, his clothes, car seat, receiving blanket and anything else you can imagine.

About a month ago we put him on soy formula and he is doing so much better. I mean...he still throws up every now and then and some days there are more copious amounts than others, BUT he's been sleeping for 6 hours at night...usually...super nice for me. So yes, the first 100 days are the hardest.

Some days I was just so exhausted I wished that I could just go back to being pregnant again, at least for one day, just to get enough sleep to keep fighting on. But no, it was impossible. I thought to myself, why did I want him to come so early? Because believe it or not, I did pray that he would come early! Little did I know what was waiting for me?!

The worst part is, when I was in school, I would stay up late at night to study for the finals and I would think... just 3 more days and I'll be able to sleep. Yes, in 2 days it will be weekend and I don't have to go to work anymore. But NO, there are no more weekends for me, no more end of this or end of that. I knew I wouldn't  be able to see the end of the tunnel for a long time. I tried to remember the talks I used to listen to while I was pregnant on the importance of motherhood. I tried to use it as my anchor to know that everything I'm doing will be all worth it at the end no matter how hard it is and insignificant it seems.

On the days when I just wanted to quit all this and just get some sleep and possibly my sanity back, I read this quote from Elder Holland which comforts me a lot:

"The work of a mother is hard, too often unheralded work. Please know that it is worth it then, now, and forever. "Through the thick and the thin of this, and through the occasional tears of it all, I know deep down inside I am doing God's work. I know that in my motherhood I am in an eternal partnership with Him" Mothers, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones. Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated made more than you are and better than you have ever been as you try to make honest effort. Rely on Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And "press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope." You are doing God's work.

It makes me realize that every hour I spend waking up at night to feed and comfort him matters. Every diaper I change for him matters, every song I sing to him, every book I read to him all matters. I really am doing God's work. I am fulfilling my purpose on this earth. I am raising God's child and knowing this makes me see the bigger picture in everything I do.

Now that I look back on those days, as hard as they were, I'm SO grateful to have him in my life.

Whenever I hold him in my arms and look into his eyes, my heart just melts and the feeling I get is indescribable. It's amazing how this little tiny soul can bring so much happiness and love into my life. And I think it was the hard times that made us be so much closer together.  It is the sacrifices I make for him (sometimes unwillingly... ) which make me love him THAT much more. I can't imagine my life without him. I don't know how I lived without him 3 months ago. I'm so lucky to have this cute guy in my life who makes me understand more of Christ's love everyday. No matter how hard my day was, as soon as I see him smile, everything gets better.

Happy 100 days to my little Madsyn and many more to come!

WOW

It's been a loooooooong time since my last post, which was in January 2015.

Well... a lot has changed since then....

In April 2015, I got engaged to my bestfriend Matt and we got married on 2015.05.15 in Payson.

Everything happened so fast with all the new changes with my visa and other complicated stuff....

Matt and I worked together for about a year before we got engaged. When I first met him he was just my boss that I didn't really want to be close to. I mean, nobody likes their boss. Right? 

And then after a little while I had to share my office with him and I remember trying to avoid him as much as possible unless it was absolutely necessary work related matters.

One day he started asking me about some things and then started telling me about his mission stories. I was like.... why is he talking to me!?!!!!! Oh wait, did I mention that I'm super introverted and I do NOT like to talk to people that I don't know very well. Especially my boss!

Anyways I had to pretend like I was totally comfortable with him talking to me about his "personal life" and I acted like I was super interested.

I don't really know how it happened but after that day we started talking more and more and eventually got really comfortable with each other. We talked about anything and everything. I loved that he knew so much about everything, especially science for he is a super nerd about anything science related, and over time I realized that we shared a lot of same values in life, families, religion and political views. He was one of the funniest people I've ever met and made me laugh all the time. Although I had always thought I wish I could marry someone like him one day, I never really thought that we would end up dating because he was 10 years older than me, haha.

Buttttt... one day we were coming back from the gym together and ended up talking for hours and he told me then that I had all the good qualities he's wanted and the next day he asked me out on a date. Which happened to be Valentines day too! Ha!

So. Long story short, we started dating in February and got engaged in April and then came the marriage in May.

We have had our ups and downs just like any other couples all do, but he has always been such a loving, kind husband with a big heart. After being married to him for a year and 3 months I am proud to say that I married the most amazing guy in the world and I really feel soooooo lucky to be his wife.

Pray as Enos Prayed....

If we are to search for real light and eternal certainties, we have to pray as the ancients prayed. We are women now, not children, and we are expected to pray with maturity. The words most often used to describe urgent, prayerful labor are wrestle, plead, cry, and hunger. In some sense, prayer may be the hardest work we ever will engage in, and perhaps it should be. It is pivotal protection against becoming so involved with worldly possessions and honors and status that we no longer desire to undertake the search for our soul. (Patricia Holland)

When I think of sincere prayer, the first scripture that comes to my mind is Enos where he wrestled, pleaded, cried before God all day and all night. I want that....... I want to have the closeness with God where I can pour out my soul unto Him and be completely honest and truly communicate with him about everything that's going on in my life. What do I need to do to pray like Enos did? How can I feel the same way as he did after he gained a remission of his sins that my soul will finally be rest in God. How can I have the change of heart that the prophets in the ancient went through? 

First, I need to understand why he prayed and wrestled.

He prayed because he wanted the true joy that comes from the Eternal life. 
So, what does the word Eternal life mean to me? Why is it so important for me to have the Eternal life? Did it sink "deep into my heart?" Am I humble enough to forsake my natural desires and depend my whole self to God? Am I willing to make the changes that he wants me to make when the prayer is finished? Do I have the faith that I can have the same experience that Enos had?
       
The reason why Eternal life means a lot to me is not only because I get to live with God but also, that was my whole purpose of coming down to this earth. For me, the very moment I forget my purpose in life is the moment where I just crash and get really really discouraged and sad. I don't want my time on this earth to be wasted. I want to achieve the goal of what I came to this earth for. I want to live with my family and see my heavenly father again and live in his presence forever. I want to make sure that the pain the Savior had to go through in Gethsemane and all the blood that he has shed for me along with all the sacrifices he made so that I can have the greatest gift of all - the Eternal life - is not going to be a waste. I miss him. I miss my Heavenly Father's love. I need him. I want the love that Elder Melvin J. Ballard described once from his dream. "He took me in his arms and kissed me, pressed me to his bosom, and blessed me, until the marrow of my bones seemed to melt... to have His love, His affection, and His blessing was such that if I can receive that of which I had but a foretaste, I would give all that I am, all that I ever hope to be, to feel what I then felt." 

How can we pray like Enos did?

                                 
President Kimball gave us a good suggestion which was actually on how we can be humble but we can also apply it to praying like Enos did. 
First, you evaluate yourself. What am I? I am the circle. I am the hole in the doughnut. I would be nothing without the Lord. My breath, my brains, my hearing, my sight, my locomotion, my everything depends upon the Lord. That is the first step and then we pray, and pray often, and we will not get up from our knees until we have communicated. The line may be down; we may have let it fall to pieces, but I will not get up from my knees until I have established communication—if it is twenty minutes, if it is all night like Enos. . . . If it takes all day long, you stay on your knees until your unhumbleness has dissipated, until you feel the humble spirit and realize, “I could die this minute if it were not for the Lord’s good grace. I am dependent upon him—totally dependent upon him.”

I'm so grateful for all the examples so many of the prophets and the leader has set for me. Especially the greatest example that Christ has set for me. I know that I'm nothing without him but with him I can achieve all the things he wants me to achieve. Like Enos said in verse 15, "Whatsoever thing ye shall ask in faith, believing that ye shall receive in the name of Christ, ye shall receive it." If I have faith, I know I will have the peace and true joy that comes from God.

Sophie's New Years Resolutions!!

So.......... here comes my new year's resolutions.

* At the end of 2015, what do I want to have happened?

On December 31, 2015 I want to see myself as being a devoted faithful latter-day Saint who loves the Savior more than anything in this world. I want to see myself serving others in as many areas as possible. I want to see myself preparing to be the best wife and mother for my future family. I want to be the person who is always happy and kind, constantly looking for opportunities to help others. I want to see myself becoming more like the Savior.

1. Always be positive and optimistic on all aspects of life.
- Because life is so hard and optimism will help us to get through any challenges that we face. Always try to look on the bright side of the life. Have hope in Christ's atonement that he can help me overcome and get through anything.

2. Keep my body clean and healthy
- I'm really really bad at this but I need to eat less chocolate/dessert/sweets...

3. Study the scriptures everyday
- Set aside a time to study scriptures everyday. Make it my priority over anything. Try to recognize what Heavenly Father is trying to have me learn. Apply it to my life and live according to the things I've learned.

4. To go the gym at least 3 times a week.

5. Participate in as many service projects as I can
- Hospice program, help the missionaries, adopt-a-grandparent, translation, Y-serve, Community action, cook for my family, babysit for my uncles, do things for my roommates.

6. Prepare myself for temple endowment
- Study about the blessings of the temple and the endowment.

7. Read 100 books by the end of 2015.
- One of the easiest goals to achieve! Hehe.

8. Be more considerate of others especially of my family
- Try to be less selfish and care about their feelings. Treat them special because they're special to me. Always pray for them and think about how I can help them and make them happy.

9. Don't waste time on things that have no eternal benefits
"Set aside those things in your life that don't really matter. Decide to do something that will have eternal consequences. With prayer, faith, determination, diligence and some sacrifice, you can make a powerful contribution."
- Less social media..shopping..  I need to think more about this one...

10. Be anxiously engaged in all good things
- Try new hobbies that I can enjoy during my free time.
- Knitting, handmade candles, baking, cooking, start translating books, write a short book for myself.

11. Always remember that I am a daughter of God and the covenants I made with him.
“We are His children, and if we ever got that through our heads thoroughly, understood that completely, we would never do a small thing, we would never say a cross word, we would not use bad language, we would not criticize anybody, we would love everyone the way the Savior loves us.”
- Make my prayers more meaningful.
- Don't fall asleep during my night prayers - I'm soooo so so so bad at this. T_T