5 Months old Madsyn

Wow, where has the time gone!!! Madsyn is already five months old.
Last month Madsyn received his second set of vaccines, and since that fateful day he has stopped sleeping through the night...dang it!
'sigh'.......... and then his first teeth started coming in and that has once again made my bed and me strangers...

On a brighter note, here are some of Mad-diggity's pictures!  It has only been a month since my last post, but he has grown like crazy!!



Lots of firsts this month! Madsyn can now sit in the shopping cart without being in his car seat. YAY!
I hated hated hated taking car seats with me everywhere. I mean... he is just getting SO MASSIVE and my little arms get too tired. I'm pretty sure he and the car seat weigh at least 60lbs now......
I try to work out hard at the gym just to keep up with being able to carry him. Speaking of getting so big, Madsyn was born a month early as a tiny "premie" and over the last 4 months he grew so much that he went over the 100th percentile curve.  I'm not sure how over 100% is possible, but he did it.  YAY!! And now he wears 9 months clothes.





We also took Madsyn to the movies for the first time. It was an interesting experience.  He cried because he got too tired and it was too loud. My husband had to stand up and hold him half of the time while trying to watch the movie. (By the way, the name of the movie was Jack Reacher 2 and it was such a great movie. It is now on my must recommend to everyone list!)

Madsyn LOVES to chew on my bag, his blanket, our fingers (ouch)... pretty much anything he can grab. He now has 2 VERY sharp bottom teeth!

A couple of days ago I swear he said "mom!" He was crying for food and when I went to carry him he said "엄마" in his crying voice. People tell me that was just a cry and I misheard it but who knows. I was too excited but yet couldn't be proved because he hasn't said it again since then. But it was one of the happiest times of my parenting moment to hear the word mom from MY little boy! haha.

When I look back, it seems like the last month has been really long and hard with him waking up every hour screaming from teething pains but I have to say that it really is worth it. Being a mom has been a huge blessing in my life. While I try my best to teach him, at the same time he teaches me important life lessons everyday.  One example...

Last week I was at a store with Madsyn and there was an old "scrubby" looking guy (as my husband would say) standing in line behind us. I was holding Madsyn and with a motherly instinct I thought to myself... 'He looks a little weird and scary.. please....don't come too close to my son.' The next thing I saw was Madsyn smiling so innocently at the old man and babbling at him. I looked at the old man and his face lit up as he smiled back at Madsyn. I was so humbled and touched by their little smile exchanges and realized how prideful I was to judge him by the way he looked. Children are just so innocent and full of love, they don't care in the least about what people look like. I always like to remind myself to "become as little children" and this is one of the most Christlike qualities they have that we can learn from. I looked at the old man again and he didn't seem so scary anymore. I was happy to see them smiling at each other and I thought.. maybe he was lonely and I think Madsyn's smile might have made his day. How great is it that I get to hold this little man who came straight from Heaven. Just a few months ago, he was living with his Heavenly Father. How lucky am I to be his mom! It really is the best job in the world!

4 Months

Our little Madsyn turned 4months old last Friday. It's crazy how fast time is flying and how fast he is growing. My goal was to write every week but it turned into every month and now... I just try to write whenever I have the time and energy.

A lot has happened since my last post.

First and the best! Madsyn started sleeping through the night!!! A couple of weeks ago, he slept almost 12hours. Whoa, it was super nice to get a good uninterrupted sleep for once. And then..... about a week later, he got sick and started waking up during the night... and then he had his 4 months shots which made him super cranky and he woke up every hour screaming bloody murder. We will see what happens in the next few weeks.

Madsyn can also now roll over from back to front.

Which is good and bad at the same time.

It means he is progressing and learning new skills but I have to be really care with where to put him and always make sure he's not suffocating himself especially in his crib. So we bought a camera to watch him all night long. I'm sure he will be fine most of the time so I guess it's mostly for me to save myself getting out of my bed every hour to check on him to make sure he's ok and sleeping well.

  

Luckily, he hasn't rolled in his crib yet...

Lastly, Madsyn started his solids last Friday. I was so eager to start him on solids because he's been throwing up for the last three months and it has been brutal for all of us. Even with mixing rice cereal he still throws up. Also, in the book "Bringing Up Bebe", she talks about how French kids eat EVERYTHING including all the vegetables that most American kids don't even look at. So I wanted to follow their strategy and get him started on solids early enough to introduce and get his taste buds used to all of the different vegetables there is.

 

This is Madsyn's first day on solids. Mashed avocados!! 

He's not used to being spoon fed so I couldn't tell but I think he liked it..

All things aside, being a mom is such a fun and exciting and also at the same time it is very humbling experience. Every day I face different and new challenges. Today I found this quote on facebook, which I totally agree with.

I used to wonder why there are so many talks and quotes on uplifting discouraged mothers who try so hard. I was a perfect parent until I had a baby of my own. It definitely is the hardest thing I've ever done.

A couple of days ago, Madsyn was crying for over an hour at night and I lost patience with him and got mad. I had hurt his feelings and it has been haunting me every day ever since.  

More than anything, I have realized that parenting requires much more than just knowing. I have read almost all the best selling parenting and baby books there is but the most important skill I need is "mother's intuition" which I think comes by revelation from God and I think this is how you can become a "real" parent.

Julie B. Beck said "Revelation can come hour by hour and moment by moment as we do the right things. When women nurture as Christ nurtured, a power and peace can descend to guide when help is needed. For instance, mothers can feel help from the Spirit even when tired, noisy children are clamoring for attention, but they can be distanced from the Spirit if they lose their temper with children.. We are doing well when we seek to improve ourselves and do our best. When we have done our very best, we may still experience disappointments, but we will not be disappointed in ourselves. We can feel certain that the Lord is pleased when we feel the Spirit working through us. We know we are successful if we live so that we qualify for, receive, and know how to follow the Spirit. Peace, joy, and hope are available to those who measure success properly."

Every single day I realize I have so much to learn and to improve. Indeed it can be very discouraging at times but I try to always remember that it was no coincidence that Madsyn came into my life and that he knew, and heavenly father knew that I would be the best mom for him and he would the best for me and we could help each other grow to become who we need to become. And I'm so glad that being a mom is the hardest thing I've ever done because the best things in life comes with a price to pay.

Like Elder Holland said, "Excellence does not come easily or quickly. It is simply a truism that nothing very valuable can come without significant sacrifice, effort, and patience on our part."

Madsy's 100 day

Last Tuesday was Madsyn's 100th day since he was born.

In Korea, along with the first birthday, the 100th day is a special milestone for the baby because in the not so distant past many babies didn't survive to the 100 day mark. We celebrate and express our gratitude for the health of the baby and the mother on this special day. The first 100 days is also considered as one of the most difficult periods of the baby's life and I would have to add that it is also true for the mothers, because the passage of these days has been one of the hardest times of my life.

Here is the story:

The first few weeks back from the hospital Madsyn and I struggled with breastfeeding. Since he was born 3.5 weeks early he couldn't latch on very well. I had no idea feeding a baby would have been the hardest things I'd ever do.

After that, he was colicky and cried every night for 3 hours on average. One morning he literally cried for 8 hours until my husband came home from work... So we tried using the "magic" gripewater...and thus began the projectile vomiting. We took him to all of the doctors in Provo and Orem, two chiropractors, put him on all kinds of medications and nothing seemed to work. I was as probably as miserable as he was.

Going to the pediatrician was my weekly routine and doing the laundry transitioned from a twice weekly job to a twice daily event, due to his throwing up on nearly every object in the house....our bed, my clothes, towels, cushions, his clothes, car seat, receiving blanket and anything else you can imagine.

About a month ago we put him on soy formula and he is doing so much better. I mean...he still throws up every now and then and some days there are more copious amounts than others, BUT he's been sleeping for 6 hours at night...usually...super nice for me. So yes, the first 100 days are the hardest.

Some days I was just so exhausted I wished that I could just go back to being pregnant again, at least for one day, just to get enough sleep to keep fighting on. But no, it was impossible. I thought to myself, why did I want him to come so early? Because believe it or not, I did pray that he would come early! Little did I know what was waiting for me?!

The worst part is, when I was in school, I would stay up late at night to study for the finals and I would think... just 3 more days and I'll be able to sleep. Yes, in 2 days it will be weekend and I don't have to go to work anymore. But NO, there are no more weekends for me, no more end of this or end of that. I knew I wouldn't  be able to see the end of the tunnel for a long time. I tried to remember the talks I used to listen to while I was pregnant on the importance of motherhood. I tried to use it as my anchor to know that everything I'm doing will be all worth it at the end no matter how hard it is and insignificant it seems.

On the days when I just wanted to quit all this and just get some sleep and possibly my sanity back, I read this quote from Elder Holland which comforts me a lot:

"The work of a mother is hard, too often unheralded work. Please know that it is worth it then, now, and forever. "Through the thick and the thin of this, and through the occasional tears of it all, I know deep down inside I am doing God's work. I know that in my motherhood I am in an eternal partnership with Him" Mothers, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours and for which heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones. Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated made more than you are and better than you have ever been as you try to make honest effort. Rely on Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And "press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope." You are doing God's work.

It makes me realize that every hour I spend waking up at night to feed and comfort him matters. Every diaper I change for him matters, every song I sing to him, every book I read to him all matters. I really am doing God's work. I am fulfilling my purpose on this earth. I am raising God's child and knowing this makes me see the bigger picture in everything I do.

Now that I look back on those days, as hard as they were, I'm SO grateful to have him in my life.

Whenever I hold him in my arms and look into his eyes, my heart just melts and the feeling I get is indescribable. It's amazing how this little tiny soul can bring so much happiness and love into my life. And I think it was the hard times that made us be so much closer together.  It is the sacrifices I make for him (sometimes unwillingly... ) which make me love him THAT much more. I can't imagine my life without him. I don't know how I lived without him 3 months ago. I'm so lucky to have this cute guy in my life who makes me understand more of Christ's love everyday. No matter how hard my day was, as soon as I see him smile, everything gets better.

Happy 100 days to my little Madsyn and many more to come!

WOW

It's been a loooooooong time since my last post, which was in January 2015.

Well... a lot has changed since then....

In April 2015, I got engaged to my bestfriend Matt and we got married on 2015.05.15 in Payson.

Everything happened so fast with all the new changes with my visa and other complicated stuff....

Matt and I worked together for about a year before we got engaged. When I first met him he was just my boss that I didn't really want to be close to. I mean, nobody likes their boss. Right? 

And then after a little while I had to share my office with him and I remember trying to avoid him as much as possible unless it was absolutely necessary work related matters.

One day he started asking me about some things and then started telling me about his mission stories. I was like.... why is he talking to me!?!!!!! Oh wait, did I mention that I'm super introverted and I do NOT like to talk to people that I don't know very well. Especially my boss!

Anyways I had to pretend like I was totally comfortable with him talking to me about his "personal life" and I acted like I was super interested.

I don't really know how it happened but after that day we started talking more and more and eventually got really comfortable with each other. We talked about anything and everything. I loved that he knew so much about everything, especially science for he is a super nerd about anything science related, and over time I realized that we shared a lot of same values in life, families, religion and political views. He was one of the funniest people I've ever met and made me laugh all the time. Although I had always thought I wish I could marry someone like him one day, I never really thought that we would end up dating because he was 10 years older than me, haha.

Buttttt... one day we were coming back from the gym together and ended up talking for hours and he told me then that I had all the good qualities he's wanted and the next day he asked me out on a date. Which happened to be Valentines day too! Ha!

So. Long story short, we started dating in February and got engaged in April and then came the marriage in May.

We have had our ups and downs just like any other couples all do, but he has always been such a loving, kind husband with a big heart. After being married to him for a year and 3 months I am proud to say that I married the most amazing guy in the world and I really feel soooooo lucky to be his wife.